New Years Resolutions (ffs)

1 January for me has never really been filled with joy, even though it’s my birthday.  When I was growing up, my dad had the best birthday, on New Years’ Eve and he was always partying somewhere or propping up a bar.  When it got to my day, everyone was still hung over, tired and frankly couldn’t be arsed.  The shops were closed and if I hadn’t received my combined birthday and Christmas gifts at Christmas, a card would appear by stealth under my door with some cash in it.  Woo.  Happy feckin’ birthday to me.

So, bearing in mind how my new years always started out, it is no surprise that I don’t see it as a day to start setting major goals or targets.  I mean Christ, we are still in the middle of winter; I’m hibernating in my fleecy PJs – just wake me up when spring is here will you?  

If you are fabulously great at making resolutions and sticking to them, bloody marvellous for you – but I’m not writing to you.  I’m writing to the rest of us normal folk who just find it virtually impossible and then self-flagellate telling ourselves we are utter failures, ‘Bad Dobby, Bad Dobby’.  I’m not saying we shouldn’t make traditions; we just need to be a tad realistic.  Let’s say for example, I set a weight loss goal.  I make the decision, post-Christmas feast, when I manage to heave my rather expansive bottom out of the armchair, which appears to have shrunk in size over the holidays (no doubt caused by the copious amounts of wine spilt over it – yes I’ve checked, the covers say dry clean only) to clear the remains of the food mountain so that I can, once more see the white of the inside of the fridge!  Progress.  Yes, from the warm, bosom of my family, the goal seems doable.  I’ve got this.  Everyone has my back, or they are on my back, one of the two.  Nevertheless, 1 January seems like a good time to start I think, as I gaze out of the window and stare at the squirrel in our garden stuffing his face with nuts, thinking, ‘bet he doesn’t have to go on a sodding treadmill for 2 hrs to work those off’ when suddenly, I realise, this is not a quick fix. 

I am not going to walk out of December 2021 an Oompa Loompa and into 2022 Wonder Woman, OK, I’m not digging her style of pants, but you get my drift.  I am not going to lose the weight I want overnight and when the scales don’t shift dramatically in my favour within 2 weeks, I will declare it a crap Christmas tradition and give up.  

The definition of resolute is ‘admirably purposeful, determined, and unwavering’.  Sounds pretty awesome!  I mean the intention is there right?  When we think it or say it, it sounds pretty achievable.  So why do most of us find it almost impossible to follow through with whatever resolution we set?  

Well, we need quite a few things to see this through.  First, we have to accept that unless something changes, fundamentally, we are the same people.  Why is this important?  Well, if I don’t change any element of myself, or the way I behave, why, oh why, would setting a New Year’s resolution be in any way successful?  I would march into 2022 with the same beliefs, ideologies, thoughts and behaviours that I left in 2021.  So, if I loved eating chocolate, cakes, donuts or cold leftovers with sheer abandon, none of that is going to change unless I change the way I think, act and behave.

So, here are my top tips that might help you:

·      Have a sense of purpose.  Why are you doing this?  Is it for yourself or others? If it is for someone else, it won’t mean as much to you and therefore harder to attain

·      Form a habit that will help you achieve your goal.  Don’t think of it as one huge task.  Chunk it down into smaller steps and do one thing every day that helps you form a new habit

·      Visualise yourself doing it – once you have imagined something it is harder to ignore it

·      Be realistic about timescales and set yourself a reminder, visual (like your phone screen saver) or a song that is significant – I can now hear Cher singing ‘If I could turn back time’ in my head.  Seriously, anything that works for you

·      Think back to a time when you achieved something before.  What helped?  What hindered?  Who helped or motivated you?  Understanding what helped you achieve your previous successes will help you achieve your goals.

·      Imagine you’ve got your best friend in town and they want to set a new goal.  What would you tell them?  Does any of what you have told them apply to you too?

And if it all doesn’t go according to plan? Try a Monday instead.  Seriously.  Monday always seems to be a great day to start something and there are exactly 52 of them in 2022.  Fifty-two chances of setting an awesome goal.  And if that doesn’t work, try any feckin’ day – because there are 365 of those. Most of all, don’t beat yourself up. It doesn’t have to be huge. Take the small wins every time. Remember, what you tell yourself is what you end up believing.  What you believe becomes who you are, and you will behave according to that persona.  So, I’m going to be more Wonder Woman.  I’m kickin’ ass on the Oompa Loompa and strutting into 2022 with high heels and stockings. What will you be doing?